Confessions On Motherhood as a Young Ambitious Mother

At 16 years old, during my junior year of high school, I found out I was pregnant. This was easily one of the scariest times of my entire life. Nonetheless, I buckled down and made a plan to not only have this baby but to continue my education and make something out of my life. What was scarier than being 16 and pregnant, was becoming a statistic. Not achieving my professional, educational and career goals.

I wanted to prove to myself and the world that this baby wouldn’t put my goals on hold. I was determined and ambitious. I was going to succeed. And I did.

But then I failed. I failed hard.

As I grew more and more in my education and career, I realized that although people knew I have children, I was subconsciously steering away from my identity as a mom. This fear that if people thought of me as a mom first, I would be placed in this box with weird expectations and obligations. The Netflix series, “Working Moms”, really hits the nail on the head. The experiences of my soul sister TV mom “Rainbow” from Black-ish hit home on being a black mom.

This fear has kept me from writing blogs about motherhood, sharing my tips and hacks. I just never feel mom enough. At my children’s schools, I would be the youngest mom and often feel misplaced. Just a few weeks ago at my 7 years old’s track meet, his teammate said to me, “I thought you were his sister then I heard him call you Mommy.” I brushed it off as cute, but comments like that, which I’ve gotten from adults and kids, amplifies my mom insecurities even more. A few months ago, I posted on social media about Jehovah’s Witness coming to my door and when I answered the door, they asked for the woman of the house and assumed I was the teenage big sister to my children.

These moments are just a handful from strangers, but what hurts the most is when family and friends say things like “You’re done having kids right?”, “This is it, no more, right?” I have some family members who do celebrate me as a mom, but the overwhelming majority of people around me, unfortunately, feed into my insecurity of not being mom enough, as though I ruined my life by having kids young and just overlook my other accomplishments.

I finished college, I’m an award-winning entrepreneur, I am an author. But none of this matters or feel important because everyone is so focused on the fact that I have a working, child-producing uterus.

This ends now.

 No more young mom sarcasm. No more insecurities. No more questioning my motherhood capabilities. I am a fucking amazing mother that will have even more kids if my husband and I choose to do so.

This is just the first step to reclaiming my time. I will be posting more mommy stories in the near future.

P.S. Don’t only tell moms they are amazing on Mothers’ Day because this mom shit comes with no manual. We all have insecurities and question our status every day. Don’t contribute to that. We already beat ourselves up about it. Thanks!